Some great options include: One of my favourite group date memories not my own date, I was just a 5th wheel that was invited was playing laser tag. Growing up with such strict rules can be very isolating. You may feel like you have no life and you may resent your parents a little bit for it. I sure did which is probably why I was goth in high school for 3 months. Thankfully, I had some kick-ass girlfriends who always had my back when I was trying to live a little. Of course, my parents knew I was up to something parents always know!
This seems like an odd thing to do, but it's actually a lot more common than you think. With the advancement of technology, you can do more than just call or text someone you have a crush on A friend of mine who is very shy, would often game share with her now boyfriend and play games with him to build the confidence to talk to him in person.
Also great for all the people out there with overprotective parents. Get to know someone on an intimate level without even having to leave your house. Sneaking behind your mom and dad's back is the easiest way to date, but it's not always the best. The constant lies, elaborate plans, not to mention it could get exhausting for you and the other person involved , make it less appealing. Talk to your mom and dad, open up a conversation that you are not a child anymore, and you are also not living in It might be painful and awkward at first, but at the end of the day, no matter how many crazy rules and traditions your parents impose on you, they love you.
Amneet is a 4th year communications student at Simon Fraser University. Born and raised in the city of Surrey, she loves the sound of rain, in fact she listens to rain sounds every night to help her sleep. I have finally told my family about him and it didn't go well. My mom started blackmailing me telling me they will commit suicuice, and disown me etc etc. They didn't even care to hear my side and refused to meet him, but they once had met him as my friend so they know who he is.
My advise to you is if you 2 are in a serious relationship and wants to get married then tell your family. Tell your mom first because she will tell your dad and it will be easier for you. But coming from a Sikh family it won't be any easier for you so be prepared for emotional blackmailing, negative taunts. They will try to talk you out of it, but you need to make it clear that you have made up your mind. I understand you want your parents approval and you want your parents to be happy in your big day.
I am still going thru a tough time at home, but the more you go thru it, more you get stronger. I would say tell your parents, at least you will feel better. Hey girl I can relate with you since I am going thru the similar situation. I am Sikh and dating a Muslim guy. I told my parents about him and it didn't go well. My mom is black mailing me telling me her and dad will commit suicide if I get married to him , disown me etc.
They literally told me to leave him and refused to hear anything about him. Sikh people are more about showing off, they have too much ego. Things aren't great my house but it doesn't bother me anymore. I would say tell your mom first, she will ask you questions so simply just answer them. Later she will tell your dad her own, you don't have to go thru it twiceat least that's what I did. Your parents will attack you, they might not wanna hear your side but before you tell me you wanna be sure if it's the guy you wanna spend your life with, and if it's him then go for it and be prepared for whatever comes next.
They will blackmail you, remind you every small thing they did for you, mom will cry a lot but you need to stay tough. I hate the fact that our parents don't understand where we come from but they are more concerned about the society. I even told my family if you guys accept the marriage then no one will talk shit.
So I am still in the process of convincing them. Hi, My family just found out about my white boyfriend and all they keep doing is crying. I have no response to them when they say how could you do this to us. How could you after we repeatedly told you just not an american boy. My dad still doesnt know. Please let me know what helped for you. How long did it take? What did you say in these situations?
I said that, on earth maybe we won't be together but I want to wait u in heaven. Can you imagine if your love decides to breakup with you and leave for good without leaving any trace behind him, and you dont even know whats goin on in his life? It's like he died, suddenly one day you will go to facebook and you find out he is engaged with some indian fellow woman.
Not funny and devastading but thats what my radar is telling me that will happen and i dont wanna see it! Indian man think Western woman are easy woman but they forget some woman are serious about their suns and they deserve some respect, aka not being treated like a general stereotype. I am deeply hurt and i still can't cope with this situation. This is the short story.
Indian PARENTS think Western woman are easy woman but they forget some woman are serious about their suns and they deserve some respect, aka not being treated like a general stereotype. Indian man have a lot of social pressure not only from their close relatives but most of all from their family and village. This happened to me. He was getting phone calls from india quite often because of our relationship. He was stressed and he couldn't deal with all the pressure, he just broke up and said he will never go back to me again, we were very different, but funny he told his indian friend his parents will never approve me has his wife, because i wasn't indian and i was a couple of years older.
Indian man are ver submissive to their families, they find it difficult to go agains their culture, even if their love you cause in indian culture love comes after marriage, so they don't have enough emotional inteligence to see how much they love you, because they know they will find an easy wedding matched by their parents and his marriage will be a success, because nobody is willing to question anything. Do you want me too see broke down there and dressed up like im attending in a funeral? Or I can attend but I hope with my new boyfriend. Lets just think of this way that they are just family oriented.
From my experience, i think he it didn't even crossed in his mind that they will broke up with us because they will get wives easily. It just so sad to think that we can fight for them, we can sacrifice for them but they wont do the same thing with what we can do. Still i dont feel any anger because the love we shared are true and passionate. He thought me everything and it will always remind me that in my memories.
I've been stalking your blog for the last 5 months, ever since I met the sweetest, kindest, smartest, funniest, etc lol Indian guy that I have been dating. He has been in the US for 10 years. He has met my parents and friends but I have yet to meet his friends. I know they know about me, as they sent him a text when they saw us out together and he showed it to me they drove past us.
He said he did mention me very casually to his parents because I said it bothered me so much that they didn't even know about me. I mean I'm in my early 30s and I'm looking to get married. I was up front about this from the beginning and he said he also wants to get married. He is of course of his parents rejecting the idea. When he mentioned me, his mom started crying and then his uncle started giving him email addresses for single girls in his area entire family has arranged marriages. He said he doesn't want to have me hang out with his friends because he is afraid we'll break up because of his parents rejecting me.
Of course, this is driving me bananas. We talk about this stuff and we've also talked about kids, marriage, etc.
After I got upset on the phone tonight when he mentioned "what if his parents don't want him with an American" he said he will talk to them again. But I'm pretty sure he will break it off if they say so. I just don't understand how you can throw that away. I know it's cultural but I still just don't understand it.
I'd rather break up for any other reason that his parents saying no ugh. Sorry for the rambling post. Thank you for your blog. I am a south indian male who came to US as a student, then graduated and have a stable career. Only child to my parents. I dated an american and married her. It was not a traditional wedding and yes we eloped. My parents were shocked but they accepted it as long as i was happy. The person i got married did not want to do anything with my culture. No indian food, child was allowed to learn my language, would not talk to my parents even when they called to wish for wedding anniversary.
She told them to get out of the house when they visited us. My parents did not say anything against her to me. They only wanted to see me happy. My marriage ended in divorce. Now i am dating a russian american who is very welcoming and kind. But we are having issues with my parents because they are concerned history will repeat itself. My gf and i are so lost and it has taken a big toll on our relationship. Alexandra - I am so happy that I stumbled across your blog and it has given me so much hope.
I have been dating a Telugu guy for a little over 6 months and I am white. All of his friends know about me as well as his sister and cousins but his parents do not. He comes from a very traditional family and he is not planning on telling his parents until he finishes school in a couple years. I was at first very upset about this because he has met my family and they love him.
I felt as though him keeping me from his parents meant that he was ashamed or embarrassed. He is such a caring and sweet guy, but I was devastated at him not wanting to tell his parents. But your blog has really helped me to understand his situation So I just wanted to say thanks! Hey girl, I am in the same situation as you. We have been dating for 3 years how i've managed to keep it a secret boggles my mind too , but my parents still don't know!
I am graduating soon and planning on telling my parents and I'm trying to reach out to others in the same predicament and offer support. Don't give up, I know how hard it is on my end but also for my boyfriend, who is so so amazing. Remember that he's keeping it a secret because he is serious about you, and doesn't want to screw it up with the additional drama that ensues when the parents find out!
If you ever need to vent or need support, lemme know, I will provide you my e-mail! Hi, I'm glad that I came across this post. I'm facing the same problem. I'm Indian and my gf is white single mom with a black kid. We are dating since a year and my gf has issues with household chores and other normal tasks to be performed everyday in the house. I told her the importance of all these things in order to get approved for our marriage. She's says she understands but she never tries much to improve and also I mentioned her to dress modestly and she told me she's is not gonna change herself and stuff.
I guess you understand what I an trying to say but she never gets it. Please share some advice. Here's my advice, as an American woman: Stop trying to change your girlfriend. Either you like her as she is or you don't. If you don't like it and don't want to be married to her because of the things you don't like, then leave her.
Is this all that Indian men do - first they hook a girl and then change everything that the girl is or does? This is the reason why Indian women are unhappy in their marriages and always complain about their in-laws. There is just no place for "live and let live". As an Indian woman, I feel sorry for the non-Indian women who fall in love with these control freaks. Please do not marry someone and abuse them to change. Change your own self first! I'm White woman and 25 years old. I'm from belgium and my indian boyfriend also. We met at work and have a relationship about a year and almost three months.
Everything is going great between us. He and his mum are now in India visiting family and he told his family about us They don't want my boyfriend to have a White girlfriend because sooner or later i would leave him or divorce him. And his parents are very much into sikhism and they want him to marry an indian woman who has the same beliefs and who will take care of them. But the problem is that even he told them about us and doesn't want to marry an indian girl they still keep looking for a woman. And i don't know what to do because i'm afraid they will force him to marry and at the end of this week his dad is also in India.
And when he finds out he will do anything to have his son married with an indian woman. I'm really stressed and Just don't know what to do. We love each other and want to be together. He won't be back till end of the month so i'm afraid time is running out and pressure will be to high for him to keep saying no with all the emotional blackmail and stuff Hi, I'm a 22 year old girl in a relationship with a white guy for over a year now.
I told my mum about him during our 7 month mark and maybe not in the right way. Ever since then she has been tormenting me every time I see him or talk about him. We are both very committed to each other but it has effected my relationship with my mum badly. She eventually told my dad who wasn't happy and they both are trying to convince me that I'm making a big mistake and trying to control everything I do and are not letting me have my own space.
They don't want to meet or have anything to do with him, I believe I've made the right decision by being with him and I don't want to give up on my boyfriend because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. However, my parents are saying I have to make a choice between them or my boyfriend. I am not in a position to move out or live with my boyfriend as we both still live at home. Please can someone help me or give advice? I wish I could give advice but instead I can only relate all too well.
I'm 20 and in the same position. During the semester my boyfriend is so eager to skype my parents with me, because he wants to see what they look like and he wants to get to know them. I so want to agree because I know once my parents drop their racism they'll love him, but at the same time I feel like at this point it'll just worsen the potential. I don't want to tell him no because he's so eager but I don't think he'll ever understand how complicated Indian parents can be. Haiii,, i am a 20 year old girl from Germany and in a relationship with an South Indian for one year now.
Even though we are sure about our love, he is confused how to tell his parents! There are few problems which make the situation even more difficult than it could be with a German wanting to marry an Indian. First he has not a well-paid job to come to Germany. Secondly as he is in the marriageable age his parents are also trying to find him a nice Indian wife of their community.
Thirdly his parents are not much educated so they don't speak English and they have actually no idea of western culture, not more than the common stereotypes. So do you have any advice how he can tell them? Or any suggestion how to start it? S Thank you so much, all the best for you and your love. So I'm on the other end of this. I'm an Indian girl who told my parents about my American boyfriend a few weeks ago. Your blog made me so relieved.
I am home for break but leaving in a few days. These past few days my mom has been going on about how "whites" don't care about each other. For them love is only for 4 days, after that they get divorced and move on. And live in relationships we never do that in India! Basically it's been a downpour of racial stereotypes, which my boyfriend isn't and its driving me insane. I don't want my boyfriend to feel bad and I think I'm definitely going to show him your blog so I can help show him that it's not just my parents that are insane, it's the entire culture: How do I know he will tell them one day?
We've been together almost a year. My family love him. We are very much in love and want to have children one day. I'm scared to ask because I don't want to put any pressure on. I'm going through this with my Nepalese boyfriend of two years. His family is completely against it. His parents stopped eating, mom wouldn't talk to him, sister cried and begged him to do this.. Would really love to hear your personal experience and how you and your husband were able to convince his parents..
My parents have been trying to introduce me indian guys that are family friends and the same cast i know what a joke. Hi ,I usually don't comment and am just a silent reader of this interesting blog but I just saw your post. Since its been a couple of month I don't know what the situation is right now. Please don't think of ending your life that is never an option.
The logical thing to do would be to move out and start living on your own if your parents aren't coming around. Hi,Im a filipina and been in a relationship with an Indian brahmin for 4 years. He already told his parents about our relationship but as expected they didn't accept it and his parents found a girl for him to marry. He can't decide because he made a mistake of telling his parents to search for a girl when we had a big fight he thought im not happy with him"this is his explanation".
His family is totally against us and urging him to meet the girl once he goes back to India. He ask his younger brother to come to Philippines and see for himself that our relationship is serious so he can help us convincing their parents. He stopped talking to his parents to avoid all the drama. He said he will only talk to them after going back to India and he will represent me to his parents since no one is supporting me. Problem was he is not verbally rejecting the indian girl that his parents found for him and until now his parents have hope that he will marry her or if not her some other indian girl within their community.
I already asked some advice to an Indian friend and told me to convince my bf to choose me in a way that he will be assured that I will make my bf happy in the future.
He said don't lose hope but don't expect to much. I don't know what to do: Compliments on a great blog you write , have been reading a lot of topics you have written about and find them really informative. It also looks like you have the role of agony aunt thrust on you to solve everyones problems and give advise: Indian families seem more complex because the extended families and the society they live in puts a lot of pressure on maintaining status quo. Intercultural , intercaste , interstate , interreligious love marriages are all seen as a threat to the set norms , beliefs and values that have existed and passed on for centuries , hence the tussle.
All cultures and civilisations go through it , what was unacceptable 50 years ago in western society is very acceptable today and hopefully as people become more educated they will be able to tackle these issues better when I was a kid , love marriages used to be so frowned about nowadays they are so common in India. I am an Indian woman married to an Aussie , only my immediate family knows about it and my hubby is still a big secret in India among the relatives and friends.
Yes I told my parents first about him being my friend and later on asking for their blessings to marry him we know how our parents mind works. They agreed after realising that we were seriously in love and I was going to follow my heart anyways. They did request it to not be told to the extended family etc. I respect my parents wishes in Not telling my Indian relatives because I do realise the social stigma that they may face and also it is not too important as we live in Australia. My brothers are fine with it and my hubby stays with them on our visit to India when I go to meet all the relatives etc.
I think he prefers it that way too as he finds it hard being stared at and questioned a lot as you do when you travel with your indian wife in India imagine having to deal with relatives and friends too: I am very much in love with a girl whose father is from Tamilnadu and I believe her mother to be half. I met her a few years ago from another "group" at school. I asked her out and she said yes making me incredibly happy! I am definitely not rich in the slightest, im one of the poorest people in my region. I currently do not have a job, and cannot get one due to a lack of birth certificate and no money to get one, however I have a job lined up when I finally do get it.
I was raised almost entirely by women except for my pop not blood related and a lunatic grandfather. I met my father when I was 11 and we have very little to do with each other. Hey Joshua, I dont know why I am doing this but i am replying to you a year later that what you have written. Anyways here is some advice for you that i have come up with and even experienced before. I know it seems hard but you have to fight for the girl who you love.
Hard work always pays off and even though it seems hard and even though this seems cliche you fight till your last breath. In regards to your background dont worry about that now. Stay focused on improving your grades, apply to jobs even the ones that you dislike , save money, and if your trying to apply to college then try aiming for colleges. Even small amounts of money can make a difference. But you cant be the only one maintaining and focusing on your relationship. Your girlfriend and I dont mean to sound harsh needs to take a stand and summon that inner courage to fight for true love lol cliche again I know.
I know being indian can be hard and that is why a key is having patience and staying confident. Many indian parents have a goal or have their childs life all planned out for them. But thats just bogus. Im rereading what you sent just now and I have come across her parents being violent. And I know its scary.
Believe me I know and its hard to deal with it. Your head is pounding and your heart seems to be twisting inside and out. But remember what I said about courage before You and your girlfriend are not alone there are so many communities that will support you two It really saddens me to read these posts although also gives me strength to know I am not alone.
I have been with my hindu boyfriend for 5 years now, a white girl living in the uk. He still point blank refuses to tell his parents about us as he says his parents will force us to get married and he isn't ready for marriage yet. Obviously I cannot comprehend the pressure he must be under, but I still get angry that he does not stop lying and be a man! We have lived together for 3 years on a casual basis which they don't know. I am also worried that any future relationship I could have with his parents would be damaged by the fact I feel discriminated against and excluded and resentful!
Stand up for yourselves now before you ruin others lives too. I really wish I could help, but I myself am very confused. I am white and have been in a realationship with a wonderful, handsome, smart, loving indian man for over 2 years. I was introduced as his friend to his mom. I thought it was odd that he wasnt telling her I am his girlfriend, but this blog has helped me to understand a little more now. I am divorced with children.
I have met his mother and she is wonderful! She is so sweet, and seems to be fine with our relationship. We have lived together in the past, but not anymore as he is away for school. My hurt is due to we are not married, but planning too, and I am almost 6 months pregnant. He has nottold his mom. I feel like he is ashamed of the baby and we have recently had a fight because i cant understand why he doesnt want to share this joy with her.
She has the right to know, this is her first grandchild. I want to understand, but i feel hurt and cant. Im so happy, why cant he be? He has had plenty of time to tell her and he says he will when the time is right. She is planning to visit the same week the baby is due. She is asking me via email to make arrangements to visit with her. I do not want to spring this baby on her, i want her to share in the joy of the pregnancy, i havent told her because i think its his place, but if he doesnt then i will.
I dont want to be rude and not reply to her emails but do not want to hide the baby from her. I'm an Indian girl who lives in the uk dating a punjabi guy who also lives in the uk we were born and raised here. So here's my story I may as well be white. No seriously, in their eyes, I am anyway. I dye my hair, have tattoos, piercings, I go out, I have a huge mix of friends from different ethnicities, I really don't engross myself in the Indian culture. I can't speak Hindi.
Although I can make a round roti! I'm not the same type of Indian. So that's not good. I don't understand a word of punjabi. My parents are like from a completely different planet to his. They let my bf come around and chill at mine all the time, in my room, no disturbances, they love him in fact. There's no issue whatsoever. Now I'm an educated girl. I'm in the process of completing my doctorate.
I have a masters and degree already. I also would say that I'm quite a nice person, without blowing my trumpet. I have his best intentions at heart and I love him. But I feel judged. So so so judged. But we've been together for less than a year and it's difficult because a I'm older than him by 2 years, so not that much but the HORROR!
And c I'm different to the ideal his mum had carved out for him you know, good little punjabi girl, won't say boo to a squirrel, good at cleaning etc. Anyway, I'm not allowed around his house. I was allowed after dating him for 6 months which only came up after a 3 hour chat they had where he explained that I'd be coming round as were saving to buy our own place but I went round too much 3 weekends in A WHOLE ROW - I've been around to his a total of 6 times in 6 months, 3 of them being in the last month and that was it.
I'm no longer welcome around as frequently as my welcomes were outstayed.
So basically, were back to square one. Zero even, because now I won't step foot in his house again as I just feel damn awkward, unwelcome and uncomfortable. And I'm a brown girl. I feel like the whole relationship with his parents is fake, so they only want to get to know me once I have a ring on my finger? All of a sudden, you're gonna act like theyre my best friend? What if we never get married? Is the ring like a passport into their house? Well actually it's obvious it is What am I until then, a dirty little secret??? It's hard for me coz in all honesty, this is alien to me. It's kinda hurtful as well, I feel like I'm not good enough for their son.
And yeah, I know it's not personal, etc etc. But it sure feels it! But lol as long as were married. Marriages end in divorce a LOT these days. That's why we want to be sure. Plus it's only coming up to a year now!! Hello, first off I am very thankful to have found this blog. I am dating an Indian guy from a very traditional Jain family.
We have been together for nearly 2 years now and are in love with each other. We met in Th Netherlands during our masters studies and have both found jobs in the Netherlands so are both staying. My boyfriend has a great and steady job at a bank for about a year and starting a few months back, his family has been majorly pressuring him to get married arranged of course as they have a very strict criteria for a suitable girl for him.
My boyfriend comes from a small village in the Himalayas but has very much adapted to the western lifestyle. I know the pressure from his family is overwhelming him as his behavior has changed since they started pressuring marriage. They have even made him profiles on several indian marriage websites and are getting more intense about it by the day. My boyfriend has very much adapted to the European lifestyle and does not want to get married at the moment, especially to an indian girl via arranged marriage. I believe tonight my boyfriend hit his breaking point.
We are on vacation currently and were having some cocktails when he became very emotional and began sobbing and telling me he loves me but he cannot live anymore. He repeatedly said he wants to end his life. Exactly one month ago I lost one of my best friends to suicide and am completely panicking that I will lose the love of my life. I know the pressure he is experiencing from his family is outrageous and extremely difficult for him to deal with.
I am here for him no matter what but after tonight fear my help is not enough. Please someone help me. I desperately need advice. I should also add that I am a white American girl and my family does not like him after him and I went through a rough time and they think we have been over for a couple of months. I am in such a complicated situation now and feel completely helpless and scared.
Please anyone, help me. Hey Megann, Read your story. I am an Indian man and know about the stuff that goes on here in India. To be honest first make sure that your bf is honest with you and really wants to marry you. Because he could be pretending just to get rid of you. From experience I know that Jain families could be really strict to their children about marriage, but it does not mean that he can not marry you. If he had will power he can do it without his parents' approval and believe me any Indian man can do that if he wants to.
Second thing is that just make it clear to him that you want a commitment and otherwise is not possible. I doubt he might be using you for sexual pleasures and at the same time doing arrangements for arranged marriage back home. But I could be wrong and you are the one to find it out. Don't worry if he is really upset, try to console him by words. And don't keep dating him if he does not committ. Because then you might just be used and thrown away. I think he is less likely to committ because of parents' pressure or his unwillingness to committt.
Not discouraging just making you aware. Your story is so heartbreaking but he has to stand up for himself. He's going to need your strength and as much support as possible. If you truly believe this is your life partner and he does the same, then I believe in your guys love too. I'm sorry but he has to fight for what he wants and not be a victim of tradition he does not want to be apart of.
We all work so very hard in life trying to become the people we believe we should be and parents are a huge part of that so he should thank them for helping him become the man that he is today The Man You Love! And after thanking them, he should start planting the seeds that will allow him his freedom to walk his own path.
There is so much good advice in this article and i believe you have to start somewhere. Its going to be an extreme journey as it already is and progressing but with hope, my god can you imagine waking up next to him 1 year 5 years 10 years from now. If you believe this man is the one you want to wake up with everyday of your life and very important he the same.
Then start telling him to stand up for the path we wants to walk. There is so much good advice in this article but he has to start somewhere. Parents are a huge part of our lives, they help us figure out the path we should be on even though its not the one they laid out for us.
So he should thank them for all the pressure and constant nagging for now he knows what he wants in life. Also head the above anonymous warning about your bf being "honest with you The easier path is to give in but come on You guys should too! So what happens if I accidentally broke all the steps and now his strict Indian mom strongly dislikes me?
I wish I could have read this a few days ago. I've been following this post for over a year now. I first found it when I was in the throes of exasperation, frustration and anger at my Hyderabaddi bf's apparent reluctance to confront his family and have it out with them. Our situation was complicated by the usual suspects - his parents wanted to arrange his marriage, and not to a white, British girl - but also by the fact they are strong Christians and I'm atheist, and that I'm also 6 years older. Despite that, I could not understand why he would not stand up for me, or for his right to be with me.
I felt insulted and I thought he was being weak. Fortunately, I read Alexandra's advice and realised that was pretty much what my other half was trying to follow. It helped me calm down and let him do things at his pace. His parents and sister are coming to the wedding in the UK, we talk regularly on Skype, and they are ready to accept me into their family. For anyone reading this I have two pieces of advice: Having big knock-out rows is not the way to win around an Indian family.
If you outright challenge parents, because of the cultural importance of 'saving face' this will lead to them taking extreme steps to re-exert their authority- such as the threats many on here have faced. You need to drip feed information slowly and carefully based on timing which only your partner will be in a position to judge.
And also approach the more amenable family members first. From their culture's perspective he has put his personal desires above the needs of his family - marriage is about making the right choice for the family, not the self. Therefore he has been selfish. Feeling that way is incredibly hard on him. He could have lost his family over it. I think I am fortunate that because I'm older, and have been through other long term relationships, I was in a position to say yes, I'm absolutely committed, from an earlier dating stage than many westerners would be.
Ultimately, be prepared to become the best choice for him, but also for his family too. At the end of the day, it's been worth it for us, and I wish you all the best with your decisions too! I'm a 24 year old Indian girl and my boyfriend is White, we met so randomly I wasn't looking for anything and neither was he but after meeting once in a night out we decided to meet again and again and so on.
I went to India about a month after we met and while I was there we stayed in contact he even learns Hindi which I was quite impressed with. When I came back we realised we did like each other and made our dating official. I hid it from my parents but I quickly realised this was nothing like I've experienced before he made me feel so special he really made the effort and before I realised I was falling for him I knew it was serious and my mum was getting suspicious so I admitted I had a boyfriend.
That was my first mistake. She was so up and down about it one minute she seemed to underatand and the next she would threaten to tell my dad telling me I was making a mistake and saying that because he was a white guy he would just leave me probably cheat on me etc. She put so much pressure on me to tell my dad when I wasn't ready so in the end I just decided to tell her we'd broken t off. Of course I couldn't Id fallen in love with him. How ver she kept trying to find out if we were still togethe and then one day I'd been writing a blog post about the situation and I left my laptop on, my dad had read everything so that's how my Dad found out.
Since then my parents have been trying to emotionally blackmail me saying ive ruined their future plans for me, I've broken their hearts ive made the wrong choice etc. I have been completely open and honest with my other half and he's been aware of the struggle I told him he could leave as this is not what he signed up for but he's standing by me he's supportong me and he loves me.
We've not been together long but everything seems to have accelerated through no choice of our own but we've decided we are each other's future and I am not going to back down despite what my parents say. They haven't kicked me out even though I thought they would but they plague me with constant reasons to end the relationship and blame me for their illnesses and how im ruining their lives. I just want to know more than anything, will this pass? I'm willing to ride out this storm because I have the support of my boyfriend and his family to an extent but my parents can't see that Iv made this choic for my future and my happiness, not to go against them.
I could really do with someone to be able to talk about this to.
Traditional Indian elders are very taboo about dating, sexuality, and couple of year being in an interracial or even Whindian relationship is. Is interracial dating and marriage between Indian and Chinese people How can you tell if an Indian guy (and his parents) are open to interracial marriage?.
I'm being as strong as I can but this path I've chosen, although I believe it to be the right one is a bloody hard one. It is comforting for me to see that I am not alone in this kind of situation. I am with my Indian bf from hyderabad and orthodox muslim family for 3 and half years now.
All her sisters already got married and being the eldest in the family,since everyone is married except him and the youngest, his family is now in full force to marry him. Last year, he brought me to his youngest sister's wedding and met his entire clan, he introduced me as friend and his family treated me well. Now, his family is arranging his marriage, he got no choice but to tell about us. His mom was explaining her side calmly at first, but when she saw that her son won't like to get married but only to me, she started to emotionally blackmail him, she even resorted to saying that she will give all her gold to me just to leave her son.
His dad health is not good as he is already old and his mom got hospitalized last year. I understand the pressure he is into right now, He doesn't want to disappoint his family nor also to leave me. I don't know what is the fate awaiting for us in the near future, but I hope that after all these struggles, pain, and effort to keep the relationship,it will be worth it and turned to happily ever after. Tamil Brahmins have intermarried with whites for the last years The main sticking point is conversion to Hinduism called Shuddi and Vegetarian diet The first marriage was https: George Arundale british married Rukmini Devi tamil brahmin in Chennai in Arundale became a vegetarian and was a follower of Theosophism , included many hindu concepts There are certain races and religions and castes that will never be accepted by most Hindus, Jains, Sikhs, But whites have it easier than all other races , for the simple reason, that lighter skin grandchildren is a very strong marker of higher caste.
If you look at bollywood, all the actresses look very nearly white. There is a very long story behind it, but in summary, most upper castes share very recent dna ancestry with white Euro.
Sanskrit the root of most Indian languages is an Indo-European language, along with English. Hi, I want to start the same as so many people have done here. I am a Mauritian girl of Indian descent 24 years old and I have been studying in the Uk for the past 4 years. Wanting to be honest, I told my mom about him 4 months in. I might have done it the wrong way but she freaked out she was meant to be the sane one and overnight things became different. She told me that this would cause my dad a heart attack not that he has the condition. She has seen him a couple of times but still denies it or refuses to acknowledge it.
She say at some point that what am feeling might just be because of maybe me being curious about sex and such. She has come to visit me for the first time and for my graduation. And she refuses to see him or even meet him. She has never talked to him and calls him satan. We have fought about him yesterday and she said that she does not understand "this love thing" and that she thinks it all rubbish and that she does not approve.
I am running clueless at what to do now. I am to go home soon and if I don't find a job in UK, i might be stuck home for ages if not forever. I need to get through to my mom and tell my dad he will go bronkers and I am afraid that he will never talk to me or disown me. On the other hand my boyfriend's family has been so accepting and happy for us.
My boyfriend has still got at least 1 year to go to finish uni. Hi brilliant blog, very insightful. I am 30 year old white British woman who was with British Muslim man for almost 2 years. His family are from Kashmir we have know each other for 11 years. We spoke of marriage, kids, a future together but I have been a secret thought. It's the first time he has let himself fall in love he has had casual relationships in the past and we decided we wanted to marry. He told his parents 2 months ago and they are furious and won't allow. He says if he stay with me he will lose them and he just can't, so has left me.
I'm very hurt and confused as I said I would fight for him, but he can't seem to find the courage to stand up to his parents properly. We were living together and he has gone back home to them they live in uk. All the promises he made, the dreams we made, all taken just because I'm white?! He says his life isn't his to give me and he's sorry-I'm so confused! I am well educated and have a good career, very independent, I feel judged and punished for falling in love.
He says he love me but can't go against his parents?! Oh don't get me started I found out last week that my now ex was dating someone he works with after "maybe a month we broke up" so he tells me and we've only been broken up 2 months and we broke up because his family found out about me it was after like 2 weeks they got together. I'm not as stupid as I look! We were together almost 2 years why he couldn't have done that for me I don't know.
She's white also may I add. I even deleted my previous comment on here stating all the details about our break up because I felt sorry for him just in case he'd seen it. When really he was taking me for a mug. My situation was such a confusing one with the stuff we had going on, mainly my health. I'm epileptic and it got really bad.
Just days before we broke up he was ringing up my friend asking how I've been, because well basically, I'd had a seizure 2 days before and dropped her baby I was holding and he wanted to know what really happened because I had no idea what had gone on! But basically, I just don't know what to think about men, regardless of what skin colour they have. So I can feel everyone's heartache going on here.
I have now deleted him out of my life, after I had a go at him when I find out the truth of course! And am trying my best to move on with my life. I give my best to everyone on here! Lots of love Xxx. Did you guys also break up because of family pressures and them just not willing to budge? I really feel for u. I guess the lesson for both of us is that they are not worth it and we deserve better which is easier to say believe me I am still suffering every day!
But time will heal us and we will move on from this, we have to! I find it fascinating that forgive me if I cause any offence a lot of Muslim boys and men in UK are given so much freedom to live as they please and embrace the westernised society. But when they do and fall in love with a 'local girl' they are threatened or my ex was of being cut off and told he will bring shame to the family name etc.
I feel like he tried a little and told them but about hours later he came back and said they said I wasnt an option and although he was upset he wasn't willing to push them anymore, like he had been brainwashed over night?!? Why stop at the first hurdle? I feel pretty humiliated by the whole situation! Regarding your ex I can't believe the way he has behaved that is despicable and u r better off without him.
I also do not understand men right now! I just fell in love foolishly with the wrong person. I also have decided to not speak or see him, it's too painful and he doesn't deserve a friendship after the way he treated me. I guess it just wasn't want to be: But yeah family pressures - or that's what he told me. They would barely speak to him or look at him at home and when his new gf was found out, that made it too horrible for him to live like that and that's when he moved out.
Weather he's living with her I don't know. Don't think I want to know to be honest. But still it's heartbreaking to me to think that a girlfriend of 3 weeks made him move out and still be with, but I was dumped, as you were, at the first hurdle so to speak after almost 2 years.
I kinda get that, but I'd previously met his mum "as a friend" and we really got on and hugged and kissed goodbye when we left, which she'd never don't to a girl friend of his before. Which made me think, she clearly knows I'm actually is his girlfriend and is fine with it because of how she acted towards me!
I have more serious things to worry about now and he totally isn't worth even my thoughts anymore, and your ex isn't worth your thoughts. Hope you feel better soon! I am white girl with an Indian boyfriend. We are together for 2 years and obviously his family doesn't know about us. We live in UK as well as few of his relatives but his parents and his sister are in India.
Previously I've been married for one year but the whole relationship with my ex white guy was 7 years and it ended up by him cheating on me. I think, because of my experience, sometimes I am scarred I will end up alone again. We meet when we used to work together so his closest friends Indians as well that live in UK know about us.
He used to live with his relatives but after few months of relationship we moved together. They still don't know about us. He told only to his cousin and she was ok I've never meet her. We traveled to my country at the beginning of this year and he meet my family that loves him. We also got engaged when we were in my country. We always speak about marriage and having a family and when he went in India in April he was trying to tell to his family but he said he couldn't find the right moment.
He is saying that after his sister will get married and after he will finish to pay the loan that his dad took for his university he will tell them. But sometimes I am so frustrated and scared that when the time will come he wil just leave me. His father was trying to marry his sister,even if she didn't wanted, last April but couldn't find a boy.
Now they find someone and they plan to engage her and after that to marry her next April. She is not happy and i asked him to help her because she is asking him to speak with the parents but he is telling me that she needs to marry because this is how is it there. That concerns me more because I am thinking his mentality didn't changed.
I was always telling him that if he plans to leave me alone better leave me now and not after 5,6 years because it will be more painful but he always says that he will never leave me and if his parents will not accept me he doesn't care. He just want them to know. Hi, Please i need advice. I'm 30years old and my boyfriend is We have been together for months now and all was perfect. He studied in the UK and he had to leave to Punjab as his visa expired and he apply for a new one but then took longer so he had to go back. We was on and off of the idea to marry as we didn't want his family to think he did it just for the visa.
So we decided to go with the hard way. When he went back he told his friends about me. Then he start telling his cousins and 3 days ago I received very upsetting email from him that his cousin told his mum so she told his mum and all the big family drama started and all the family was involved. That was on for more then a week and I didn't know anything. In the email also say he can't contact me anymore as his family told him his mum won't live if he do that. Since this he haven't contact me and I don't know what to think. I'm totally broke and so hurt. Please I need advice. Thank you so much for your reply.
I really appreciate it! He treats me extremely well all the time and he said he didn't want to tell me because he can't bear to hurt me but I guess the family pressure is big. Yes he respect his family a lot but I'm trying to believe his love is big enough to fight.